first in a long while

I went on a date today, with a guy I've been talking to all week. Like constantly, it's fun talking with him and though I got really nervous for today, it went by really well. And I was feeling great when I got home. I had so much fun. and I really like him.. he's super sweet and everything.. and we were texting when we got home.. and then he's like 



"can i say something?"


so i was like "sure"


"i liked the night and you are trully sweet and Funny.... i just wanted to know (and don't be upset please) if you are sometimes more féminine like with hairstyle or make up or i Dunno.


I do like natural woman..."


me: Not really.. I'm in dire need of a haircut tho I'll admit that.
Too natural for you?


him: well i don't want u to change your ways for me


me: Mmm


him: sorry i don't want to sound rude


me: Mmm
It is what it is, I had fun and I really like you, but if I'm not what you're looking for.. I can't do anything about that. Thanks for tonight tho  


(ya ya, stupid me who stays nice and even smiles.. while i'm crying. awesome, right?)


him: i feel bad too... i had a great time too... u are sweet and nice *buggie*.... thank you 






and that's it. nothing else. 


I thought about it.. I thought, maybe I could tell him I could come to a halfway point or something, but I really thought about it and no, I don't want to wear make up all the time. and wtf can I do with my hair apart from maybe dying it and cutting it (hairstyles etc..) and he knew I was tomboyish, what tomboy wears makeup? I love me as is. and if he can't love me as is. regardless of how it hurts, I decided to go with "It is what it is, I had fun and I really like you, but if I'm not what you're looking for.. I can't do anything about that. Thanks for tonight tho "




but still. I feel shitty, oh so shitty *forces a smile*

So I stumbled across

this today:

It's like, the story of my life! LOL ugh. 


I took a random gravity check Wednesday night, and as painful as it was, I lived to tell the tale.


As I was coming out of the place we had our condo meeting at, I hadn't noticed there was a smaaaaall step. Thinking the ground was the same level, I didn't step down.. hurt my toe, twisted my good ankle, fell took a random gravity check, managing to scrap up my knees on 2 extremities (figure that one out), my right elbow, lower palm and ze finger between middle & pinkie on right hand  D8 
'Twas very painful! Crappy pics to follow:

left knee and by far the most painful! there's a nice big-arsed bruise under the scratch ;_;

right knee - barely noticeable, still a little pain & scratch marks, but nothing like the other knee

my elbow T-T there's a bruise there too, still nothing as bad as my left knee and it's started to heal up well. (it was the only part that was actually bleeding the day of my gravity test -_-)

for those who want to know what the shirt says:

"sad panda wants a hug (before he eats you)"

All this to say, that I've been home, indoors since Wednesday night... and I feel like I've been wasting away for over a week. I've been sleeping in a lot more, mainly because I had to get up earlier to get stuff done before my condo meeting and then still had to work after, so I lost sleep...and I was addictively watching a drama - episode after episode and going to sleep later, so waking up with not much time before my shift would start. 

But, if you've been following my other blog.. I've been trying to get into shape. Eat better, lose weight, do more exercise. But for the past 2 days I've done NOTHING and omg I've been feeling it Dx and I'm NOT liking the feeling. Today doesn't count as a day yet because I just finished my shift and haven't slept yet. But, I've decided that I don't care if my knee is still sore today, I'm going out for a walk anyways!! 

A little something.

So, I was looking through a friend's pictures on fb and came across one where a caption just jumped into my head. So I snagged said pic, let him know (was gonna tag him in it.. but now I can't - I'll get back to this..) and then pushed up my sleeves and went to work with mah photoshopping skillz =D


here's the finished product: 

The translation: "Here! You wanted to eat?!? Then eat!!!" hahaha I find it goes good together XD




anywho, back to why I couldn't tag said person.. 


as I was looking through some of his pictures, I hit a "wall" it said either the picture was no longer there, or that I no longer had access to pictures. I was a tad confused.. so I tried to access his profile. Nada. He not only unfriended me, he blocked me O.o 
Guess he didn't like me going through his pics.. *treads lightly* lol


a friend tells me my comments still show up on his wall.. weird. maybe it's yet another fb glitch *shrugs*

Feeling bleh

Not sure what's been going on with me lately (these past 2 days).  Yesterday I woke up, tired but feeling fine apart from that. A few hours later I felt super dizzy, so I went back to sleep until it was time to get up for my shift. I was ok during my shift. Went straight to sleep this morning around 7:30am. I finish work at 7am, so basically, took the time to prepare myself for bed and then keeled over. Woke up today at 5:30pm feeling bleh. I ate a little, then went out grocery shopping. The air seems to have done some good for me. I was feeling a lot better. Came home, put the groceries away, prepared supper, ate. Went to log in to work and I started feeling dizzy again. 
It was 8:40pm, I start work at 9pm. I figured I'd be ok and it would go away, like it did yesterday. 
I wasn't that lucky. Around 10:45pm I up chucked =S never pleasant. nope, nope. It wasn't a lot, but enough to tell me to call in sick. *le sigh* I didn't want to take any sick days this year. At work our "new" year is always as of the 1st of May. Was happy because I usually only get REALLY sick once a year, like plague rat sick. Last year, it was in May. This year it was in ugh Feb or March I think.. can't remember but it was at the beginning of the year. 
I don't feel anywhere near plague rat-ness but I still don't like this dizzyness/icky feeling I'm going through. *sulks*


I guess it's good that it happened before 11pm, because the supervisor leaves at that time.. so I'd have had to send an e-mail, then call them in the morning so someone could fix my schedule. I was saved the hassle. I'm thankful for that. Can't say I'm happy because I'm feeling icky and I don't like feeling icky (who does?)


I think sleep would do wonders for me right now. Unfortunately, I must remain in a sitting up position as said up chuck doesn't seem far enough away.. that I may have to make a mad dash for ze washroom. >.> c'est la vie! 


Here's a song that just popped into my head and apart from the reference to "ce matin" (this morning) it's pretty darn accurate. Actually, considering it is now 12:11am I guess "ce matin" really does work! =P



"Bonjour belle Rosine comment vous portez-vous? 
vous me faites la mine dites-moi, qu'avez-vous? 
C'est que j'ai mal à la tête ce matin 
Ce qui me cause, ce qui me cause 
C'est que j'ai mal à la tête ce matin 
Ce qui me cause bien du chagrin"


I found the rest of the lyrics here (http://www.bdaa.ca/biblio/apprenti/chansons/chansons.pdf), I'll post the whole song below:


"Bonjour belle Rosine comment vous portez-vous? 
vous me faites la mine dites-moi, qu'avez-vous? 
C'est que j'ai mal à la tête ce matin 
Ce qui me cause, ce qui me cause 
C'est que j'ai mal à la tête ce matin 
Ce qui me cause bien du chagrin 



C'est que j'ai mal à mon coude ce matin 
Ce qui me cause, ce qui me cause 
C'est que j'ai mal à mon coude ce matin 
Ce qui me cause bien du chagrin



C'est que j'ai mal à mon genou ce matin 
Ce qui me cause, ce qui me cause 
C'est que j'ai mal à mon genou ce matin 
Ce qui me cause bien du chagrin



C'est que j'ai mal à ma cheville ce matin 
Ce qui me cause, ce qui me cause 
C'est que j'ai mal à ma cheville ce matin 
Ce qui me cause bien du chagrin"

EWwww

I get sidetracked often, this is common knowledge. So, when I was reading up on Necrotizing Fasciitis on wiki, I moseyed on over to reading about TSS (toxic shock syndrome).. where I learned of the "Rely" tampons (or as I like to call 'em harpoons). 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxic_shock_syndrome#Rely_tampons
This in and of itself was an EWWWWWW factor to me. I get wanting to give your customers what they want, but this is an example of going too far to please! 
"in August 1978, Proctor & Gamble introduced superabsorbent Rely tampons to the United States market in response to women's demands for tampons that could contain an entire menstrual flow without leaking or replacement."
Can anyone else join me in saying "EEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" 


How unhygienic! And gross! Imagine, to keep it in there during the whole of your cycle, for some people ranging anywhere from 4 days to a week (some even longer!) 


Forget TSS, I'm picturing blood clots of sorts, like dried crusted blood.. what if it were to get stuck? What if the string breaks? What if you forget it's in there. *shudders* I'd hate to see what other consequences can come out of it.


Forget all issues, could you imagine the smell??!? Some girls are accused of smelling like fish... this would make you smell like dead corpse Dx


Ok.. enough grossness talk. I just had to get that out of my system and fb didn't seem like an "appropriate" place to put it 


mwahahahahaha >:D

not sure about this..

not sure I'm liking this new interface thingie *shrugs* oh well, it is what it is.


Hello world, 
I'm still procrastinating as usual! Nothing new in that aspect of life. =P 
I'm still mulling over what it is I want to do in life. Haven't found anything concrete just yet.
Went to the clinic for a doc's appointment on Monday. Had them check out my wrist, I thought I had maybe sprained it because of the sheer pain, but no, it is not so. Not sure if I should be happy or sad about that. There is something wrong though, they found a lump on my bone... so I need to go pass an MRI. Oh what fun! >_> I'm trying to not worry about it but it's harder than it seems. meh. I started lifting weights today, told myself I won't let my wrist deteriorate just because of a stupid lump. Wish I could have the same type of determination for my weight regulation (aka weight loss). ugh. I've managed to put on a few pounds instead of losing them =S 
I've been eating out a lot lately and eating a lot of crappy food. That is stopping, mainly because I'm broke as duck! Dx Craziness. Why is losing weight so hard to do? More specifically, why do I have so much trouble getting out of this rut I've dug myself in? What causes us to let procrastination take over our lives?  Sure, there are still some things I go out and do, but for the things I feel are most important ein no strength, no will, no energy to get my butt in gear. I could get someone to push me into gear, but then I fear I'd become dependant of said person. What are some things you do to get yourself moving? To give yourself motivation?
I could use some pointers.

this and that

I don't know.. so much stuff haha what a way to start talking *rolls eyes at self*

what I mean is, I've been taking into consideration SO many things lately. Like, what it is that I want to do in life. Yes, I have a job right now.. and while there are some aspects of it that I love (working nights, 3 day weekends, working from home), it's not something I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I've always known that. But what else can I do? Not that I believe I'll never be able to get another job, that's not the case. I know I can look for something else and be able to find it with ease. Although those other jobs wouldn't be much. In the sense that, ok.. I've never finished cegep and I probably could find something... but what? I know I can get hands on experience for stuff and get jobs that way, but I want to find something that I'll love doing. Maybe I just don't know what that is. I don't really believe getting a piece of paper from an institute is a necessity to have a job I love and enjoy doing and I'll be happy at.. it's just that I guess I might be feeling as though I have limited options?

For the longest time, over 10yrs, it was my dream to go into voice acting. To do voice overs in Japanese even. Ha! I'm such a procrastinator that I have SO much left to work on. Like my Japanese is NOWHERE up to par Dx

But recently, I was like, well since it's taking me sooooo long to get into it, then maybe it's not what I REALLY want to do.

The reason I wanted to initially go into voice acting was because I love acting, and I'm really good at picking up accents, but didn't really want to be known.. or not necessarily "known" but more in the sense that, if I become a voice actor, I can remain "low-key".. I didn't think with the way my image was, that I could become an actress.. Doesn't matter what a voice actor looks like, it's your voice that's important, not you face nor your figure.

*sigh* I'm exasperated with myself. For all the times I've pushed something away, putting myself down, telling myself I'm not good enough to do something because of one factor or another. The fear of being vulnerable. Ugh.

I'm trying to figure out what it is that I want. When I find it, I'm going to plow through it. So far, these are my options (though not closed off to others, these are what I've been mulling over)

Actress (theatre)

Voice actor (I'd still like to, even if only on the side...but profession-wise, not sure.. I've procrastinated on it too long, not sure if it's what I REALLY want, y'know?)

Pilot (laugh and I'll throw my boot at you! >8D )

Translator (because I love languages)

What else can I do, that would either involve:

taking care of people - I used to volunteer at a hospital centre, taking care of some of the patients as in feeding them/playing bingo with them/keeping them company.. it wasn't so much taking care of them in the work aspect, but to be with them. I got pretty close with some of them, really enjoyed it.

helping people - I tend to have a knack of being able to help friends out of depressive states. I don't know if it's something that could translate over to someone I don't know.. nor am I crazy about the idea of being a shrink.. but is there something else I could do? Either give pep talks to people or actually, today I was thinking about speaking about awareness. Not sure... I just read an article that got me riled up, so that's what got me thinking about that. Anyhoo..

the use of languages - like I said before I love languages. I love learning languages and have a knack for picking up languages. If I could do something with them, that'd be awesome! I was thinking translator, but is there anything else I can do?

Maybe teach? but I don't know how well I'd do... I'm not really confident in that.

Editor maybe? I've been thinking along those lines lately, because I'm helping a friend who's working on a script. I've been helping her think of ideas for her story so..and I love kids.. maybe I could write children's books... hmm.. I don't know. I guess I could try. What's the worst that could happen.. if I never try, obviously I'll be stuck in the same place I'm in now. If I try, and I fail at least I've tried, right? Right!

There are still so many things I'm looking at, mulling over. I don't want to rush, I just want to find something that I'll love and enjoy and just be happy with. Because that's what's most important to me. *nods*