So tired =_=

I was feeling a bit down today.. just a mixture of everything rolled into one. ugh. I hate feeling like that... Stressed, frustrated, incapable of doing anything about it, it makes me tired and almost depressed. 
I'm dreading going back to work tomorrow. Weird right? Usually after vacation I'm ready to jump back into the swing of things, so to speak. But now, I just feel drained. It's a sign. I don't love my job anymore.. anywho, talking to my bestie helped some, but I will still feeling blah. Hadn't eaten, which probably wasn't helping..I had been debating eating or just going back to sleep, when my bestie mentioned baking.. and I was like, *ding!* I has ripe bananers that need to be made into something.. I started looking for recipes for banana stuff.. L'il Drago (my bestie) LOVES my banana bread, but I didn't really feel like making it.. then I came across a zucchini banana recipe and I was "sold!" so to speak =D I knew if I'd go to sleep, I'd never get to turning ze bananas into something nummy and they'd probably go horribly bad and have to get chucked yet again. So, I forced myself to get up, and started prepping and one thing led to another.. I made 2 recipes, which can be found on my other blog, Zucchini-Banana Bread & Choco Espresso Banana Bread. Nom nom nom *drools*

I love what baking does to me. I'm sure I'm mentioned it before, but as mah bestie says, I'm senile.. so I'll just keep on repeating meself forever and ever mwahahaha It completely soothes me, relaxes me, cheers me up and I ended up have loads of fun! 
I'm all proud of myself, I did some modifying with the choco espresso recipe, nothing big or fancy, but it's still a lot for me. I usually never even think to modify things, or I get super unsure of things and scared so I back out of it. Totally always second guessing myself. It's pretty frustrating. But I didn't do that today, I just did it, without giving it much thought. I was like, oooh this substitution looks good (for the zucchini-banana recipe, I followed a substitution for some ingredients that someone added in a  comment). So I was like, "hmm, I want to use honey in this one too.. and then looked up how much I should use in substitution for brown sugar and played with that..and then I was like, darn need milk.. don't have any..what could I put? ooooh I have almond "milk" and there we go =D" So, ya, I'm all proud of meself for being able to substitute stuff and kind of recreate/modify a recipe. 

I was really tired at the beginning of this blog entry, as I had eaten some of the choco espresso banana bread... coffee/espresso/energy drinks.. they all make me sleepy or knock me right out if I'm exhausted. But I've been writing for a while now, taking breaks every so often, as I was texting with my bestie, so ya, I'm still tired just not as much as before 'cause it's kind of woken me up a bit *nods*

We're swapping our movie night mondays to Tuesday afternoons.. at least while lil' Drago is off from work (to work on his portfolio). It actually helps me a lot, I was feeling really tired this weekend, as though I wasn't going to get any "me" time.. and he suggested this and I was like "hell yea!!" it works for me, because I'm usually up early on Tuesdays even though I work at night as it's the 1st of my 4 day shift so I'm still in the groove of sleeping nights. At least now I'll have a purpose in being up early and I can sleep when I get home for a bit before my shift starts. 
But it totes gave me today as a day for myself. I didn't expect for my day to start so rough and low, but it picked up and I'm really glad about that. 

I'll be starting my therapy sessions this coming Saturday, I'm eager for it. A bit worried that I won't know what to say.. but I remember having the same thoughts when I was scheduled to see a social worker back when my dad was in palliative care, and then I just rambled away.. which I have an inkling is what may happen this time around too. Only one way to find out, that's to go to mah session. 

wafts of baked nummyness fill the air ♥

Another experiment of sorts =) My buddy Drago gave me his pumpkin goop so I could make something with it. Unfortunately, I only got it this week even though it's been removed over 3 weeks ago. I'm a tad iffy to it's wholeness so I did freeze it as I knew I could only make anything from it this weekend. I ended up defrosting it, but then realized he never separated the seeds. I was too lazy to do it haha so I bought a can of pumpkin puree instead and used that to make ze creation.

It smells soooooo good! I made pumpkin cheesecake. Now, I'm not a fan of pumpkin pie and I'm not a big fan of cheesecake, but this mixture *drools* it's AWERSOME!!

Here be the recipe:

http://www.joyofbaking.com/PumpkinCheesecake.html

At first, as I was mixing it, I thought once again there may be too much nutmeg - I found out when I made some spice cookies that nutmeg doesn't quite sit well with me, it's fine in poulet milk but not in baked goods (poulet [pronounced: pull-ehtt] milk is what I call eggnog because the name for it in French is "Lait de Poule" with is basically "chicken milk"). Anyhoo, I digress. Once I started mixing the spiced with the cream cheese, the nutmeg smell wasn't quite as strong and burning me nostrils and tasted rather good. Yes, I am guilty of licking batter!! =D

There's a nice sour cream topping that you bake just enough so it sets. Now it's in the process of slowly cooling. But my place smells soooo nice. It's really fun to bake, also very relaxing. Although, I'm sure there must not be another nut like me lol I started baking around 1:30am, it's now 4:47am and I still need to wait for it to cool down completely before putting it into the fridge. Were I to live alone, I could probably sleep for a bit, wake up in an hour or so and put it into the fridge. However, I live with a veeeerrry curious kitty who loves to lie down in things, I'm sure my pie tray would not be an exception. Thankfully, I'm not super tired, although I am getting there. Oh well, I'm off to watch another episode of "Nobuta wo Produce" to pass the time =3