So tired =_=

I was feeling a bit down today.. just a mixture of everything rolled into one. ugh. I hate feeling like that... Stressed, frustrated, incapable of doing anything about it, it makes me tired and almost depressed. 
I'm dreading going back to work tomorrow. Weird right? Usually after vacation I'm ready to jump back into the swing of things, so to speak. But now, I just feel drained. It's a sign. I don't love my job anymore.. anywho, talking to my bestie helped some, but I will still feeling blah. Hadn't eaten, which probably wasn't helping..I had been debating eating or just going back to sleep, when my bestie mentioned baking.. and I was like, *ding!* I has ripe bananers that need to be made into something.. I started looking for recipes for banana stuff.. L'il Drago (my bestie) LOVES my banana bread, but I didn't really feel like making it.. then I came across a zucchini banana recipe and I was "sold!" so to speak =D I knew if I'd go to sleep, I'd never get to turning ze bananas into something nummy and they'd probably go horribly bad and have to get chucked yet again. So, I forced myself to get up, and started prepping and one thing led to another.. I made 2 recipes, which can be found on my other blog, Zucchini-Banana Bread & Choco Espresso Banana Bread. Nom nom nom *drools*

I love what baking does to me. I'm sure I'm mentioned it before, but as mah bestie says, I'm senile.. so I'll just keep on repeating meself forever and ever mwahahaha It completely soothes me, relaxes me, cheers me up and I ended up have loads of fun! 
I'm all proud of myself, I did some modifying with the choco espresso recipe, nothing big or fancy, but it's still a lot for me. I usually never even think to modify things, or I get super unsure of things and scared so I back out of it. Totally always second guessing myself. It's pretty frustrating. But I didn't do that today, I just did it, without giving it much thought. I was like, oooh this substitution looks good (for the zucchini-banana recipe, I followed a substitution for some ingredients that someone added in a  comment). So I was like, "hmm, I want to use honey in this one too.. and then looked up how much I should use in substitution for brown sugar and played with that..and then I was like, darn need milk.. don't have any..what could I put? ooooh I have almond "milk" and there we go =D" So, ya, I'm all proud of meself for being able to substitute stuff and kind of recreate/modify a recipe. 

I was really tired at the beginning of this blog entry, as I had eaten some of the choco espresso banana bread... coffee/espresso/energy drinks.. they all make me sleepy or knock me right out if I'm exhausted. But I've been writing for a while now, taking breaks every so often, as I was texting with my bestie, so ya, I'm still tired just not as much as before 'cause it's kind of woken me up a bit *nods*

We're swapping our movie night mondays to Tuesday afternoons.. at least while lil' Drago is off from work (to work on his portfolio). It actually helps me a lot, I was feeling really tired this weekend, as though I wasn't going to get any "me" time.. and he suggested this and I was like "hell yea!!" it works for me, because I'm usually up early on Tuesdays even though I work at night as it's the 1st of my 4 day shift so I'm still in the groove of sleeping nights. At least now I'll have a purpose in being up early and I can sleep when I get home for a bit before my shift starts. 
But it totes gave me today as a day for myself. I didn't expect for my day to start so rough and low, but it picked up and I'm really glad about that. 

I'll be starting my therapy sessions this coming Saturday, I'm eager for it. A bit worried that I won't know what to say.. but I remember having the same thoughts when I was scheduled to see a social worker back when my dad was in palliative care, and then I just rambled away.. which I have an inkling is what may happen this time around too. Only one way to find out, that's to go to mah session. 

So...

I got to "Day 4" that was good.. right? *sigh* I'll be getting back into the roll of things come Saturday morning (so technically, today). I've been blahed out and completely drained of energy this week.. Had to go into the office on Wednesday so I didn't exercise the day before as I knew I had to sleep as much as possible as I had to not only head to the office for my shift but had a condo meeting. Which basically meant I had to get up earlier and not really sleep as much as possible. Coming back from work Thursday morning my head was all spinny so again I didn't do anything and just went to bed. Today, or rather yesterday (Friday) I was just plain lazy. -_- Still, throughout it all I managed to loose a few pounds. 192.something (my brain fails me..still 2 lbs down is good *nods*) I have been eating healthier, so maybe that's what helped. And while I did eat pizza, it wasn't a chemical induced store bought one, instead it was homemade from scratch with healthy ingredients. OK ok fiine pepperoni isn't really healthy, but it's not a pizza without it! Still, it lasted me a good 3 days.. It was ginormous! I've also been making veggie stir-fry with vermicelli noodles nom nom nom soo good! But yes, anyhoo.. I'll be heading into the office yet again come Tuesday =_= I seriously hope they finish the work on the stoopid phone lines soon, because it'd be pure bliss to not have to come in on Tuesday and also because it's EXTREMELY BORING working at the office as there's NADA to do! D8 I dread having to go it -_-

Anywhoo, leaving all that aside! Here I am stuck in one of those oober slowly paced days, where the time barely seems to change. It's almost as though the time has stopped and here I am growing old but not going anywhere. I guess it doesn't help that I'm hot and my head it pounding. I just wish my shift would be over and done with or at the very least that 5am would roll around becaue I want to take a 1hr nap! I won't be able to sleep much if any after I'm done my shift. I intend to work out for a good hour, by which time it'll probably be close to 8:30am and I need to head downtown to meet Raine. We'll be watch Harry Potter tomorrow morning as my bff Chris is graduating on Monday and I had promised to go ^^ I'm sure by the time I come back Saturday afternoon/evening I'll be a walking zombie =___= but I'm sure I'll have fun while I'm out! I think that's why I'm so looking forward to my workout in the morning. Because I know it'll give me a boost for the rest of the day. Or at least for a few hours. I'll have to sleep Saturday, that's for sure. Yet, I'm also waiting on a pattern to arrive. Crochet pattern I just ordered. I had no previous intend on ordering anything as I had started to follow a pattern I have in an amigurumi book. You'd think these patterns, being published in a book and all, would've been tested out.. but alas, such is not the case. It's a good thing I didn't pay much for the book and I'm hoping it's only the one pattern that isn't complete. I'm making an animal, and you'd assume being the size it is that it shouldn't be hard to include all the steps but nooo.. they give enough instruction to kind of make a body, but no head -_- I thought maybe I made an error, so I stopped and started again from scratch. Nothing, no head, no shape of head, nada. Pattern for ears and tail, wonderful! But unless the pictures they included were not meant to show what the finished product would be, the only thing I could do is "patch" the ears and tail to the one sausage looking body with not head >.> I'm not amused. It's fine though, thankfully I was able to find the same type of animal but a much cuter version. Delivery is by email, good thing too as Canada Post is on strike! D8 And it should arrive 24hrs after payment is received. So, hopefully by tomorrow I should get it. I'll be able to work on it Sunday morning and give it to her on Monday. I hope things work out *nods*

Alrighty, well, I'm off for now.

Laterz,

^^