Tuesday, April 17, 2012

this and that

I don't know.. so much stuff haha what a way to start talking *rolls eyes at self*
what I mean is, I've been taking into consideration SO many things lately. Like, what it is that I want to do in life. Yes, I have a job right now.. and while there are some aspects of it that I love (working nights, 3 day weekends, working from home), it's not something I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I've always known that. But what else can I do? Not that I believe I'll never be able to get another job, that's not the case. I know I can look for something else and be able to find it with ease. Although those other jobs wouldn't be much. In the sense that, ok.. I've never finished cegep and I probably could find something... but what? I know I can get hands on experience for stuff and get jobs that way, but I want to find something that I'll love doing. Maybe I just don't know what that is. I don't really believe getting a piece of paper from an institute is a necessity to have a job I love and enjoy doing and I'll be happy at.. it's just that I guess I might be feeling as though I have limited options?

For the longest time, over 10yrs, it was my dream to go into voice acting. To do voice overs in Japanese even. Ha! I'm such a procrastinator that I have SO much left to work on. Like my Japanese is NOWHERE up to par Dx
But recently, I was like, well since it's taking me sooooo long to get into it, then maybe it's not what I REALLY want to do.
The reason I wanted to initially go into voice acting was because I love acting, and I'm really good at picking up accents, but didn't really want to be known.. or not necessarily "known" but more in the sense that, if I become a voice actor, I can remain "low-key".. I didn't think with the way my image was, that I could become an actress.. Doesn't matter what a voice actor looks like, it's your voice that's important, not you face nor your figure.
*sigh* I'm exasperated with myself. For all the times I've pushed something away, putting myself down, telling myself I'm not good enough to do something because of one factor or another. The fear of being vulnerable. Ugh.

I'm trying to figure out what it is that I want. When I find it, I'm going to plow through it. So far, these are my options (though not closed off to others, these are what I've been mulling over)
Actress (theatre)
Voice actor (I'd still like to, even if only on the side...but profession-wise, not sure.. I've procrastinated on it too long, not sure if it's what I REALLY want, y'know?)
Pilot (laugh and I'll throw my boot at you! >8D )
Translator (because I love languages)

What else can I do, that would either involve:
taking care of people - I used to volunteer at a hospital centre, taking care of some of the patients as in feeding them/playing bingo with them/keeping them company.. it wasn't so much taking care of them in the work aspect, but to be with them. I got pretty close with some of them, really enjoyed it.

helping people - I tend to have a knack of being able to help friends out of depressive states. I don't know if it's something that could translate over to someone I don't know.. nor am I crazy about the idea of being a shrink.. but is there something else I could do? Either give pep talks to people or actually, today I was thinking about speaking about awareness. Not sure... I just read an article that got me riled up, so that's what got me thinking about that. Anyhoo..

the use of languages - like I said before I love languages. I love learning languages and have a knack for picking up languages. If I could do something with them, that'd be awesome! I was thinking translator, but is there anything else I can do?
Maybe teach? but I don't know how well I'd do... I'm not really confident in that.

Editor maybe? I've been thinking along those lines lately, because I'm helping a friend who's working on a script. I've been helping her think of ideas for her story so..and I love kids.. maybe I could write children's books... hmm.. I don't know. I guess I could try. What's the worst that could happen.. if I never try, obviously I'll be stuck in the same place I'm in now. If I try, and I fail at least I've tried, right? Right!

There are still so many things I'm looking at, mulling over. I don't want to rush, I just want to find something that I'll love and enjoy and just be happy with. Because that's what's most important to me. *nods*

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