this and that

I don't know.. so much stuff haha what a way to start talking *rolls eyes at self*

what I mean is, I've been taking into consideration SO many things lately. Like, what it is that I want to do in life. Yes, I have a job right now.. and while there are some aspects of it that I love (working nights, 3 day weekends, working from home), it's not something I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I've always known that. But what else can I do? Not that I believe I'll never be able to get another job, that's not the case. I know I can look for something else and be able to find it with ease. Although those other jobs wouldn't be much. In the sense that, ok.. I've never finished cegep and I probably could find something... but what? I know I can get hands on experience for stuff and get jobs that way, but I want to find something that I'll love doing. Maybe I just don't know what that is. I don't really believe getting a piece of paper from an institute is a necessity to have a job I love and enjoy doing and I'll be happy at.. it's just that I guess I might be feeling as though I have limited options?

For the longest time, over 10yrs, it was my dream to go into voice acting. To do voice overs in Japanese even. Ha! I'm such a procrastinator that I have SO much left to work on. Like my Japanese is NOWHERE up to par Dx

But recently, I was like, well since it's taking me sooooo long to get into it, then maybe it's not what I REALLY want to do.

The reason I wanted to initially go into voice acting was because I love acting, and I'm really good at picking up accents, but didn't really want to be known.. or not necessarily "known" but more in the sense that, if I become a voice actor, I can remain "low-key".. I didn't think with the way my image was, that I could become an actress.. Doesn't matter what a voice actor looks like, it's your voice that's important, not you face nor your figure.

*sigh* I'm exasperated with myself. For all the times I've pushed something away, putting myself down, telling myself I'm not good enough to do something because of one factor or another. The fear of being vulnerable. Ugh.

I'm trying to figure out what it is that I want. When I find it, I'm going to plow through it. So far, these are my options (though not closed off to others, these are what I've been mulling over)

Actress (theatre)

Voice actor (I'd still like to, even if only on the side...but profession-wise, not sure.. I've procrastinated on it too long, not sure if it's what I REALLY want, y'know?)

Pilot (laugh and I'll throw my boot at you! >8D )

Translator (because I love languages)

What else can I do, that would either involve:

taking care of people - I used to volunteer at a hospital centre, taking care of some of the patients as in feeding them/playing bingo with them/keeping them company.. it wasn't so much taking care of them in the work aspect, but to be with them. I got pretty close with some of them, really enjoyed it.

helping people - I tend to have a knack of being able to help friends out of depressive states. I don't know if it's something that could translate over to someone I don't know.. nor am I crazy about the idea of being a shrink.. but is there something else I could do? Either give pep talks to people or actually, today I was thinking about speaking about awareness. Not sure... I just read an article that got me riled up, so that's what got me thinking about that. Anyhoo..

the use of languages - like I said before I love languages. I love learning languages and have a knack for picking up languages. If I could do something with them, that'd be awesome! I was thinking translator, but is there anything else I can do?

Maybe teach? but I don't know how well I'd do... I'm not really confident in that.

Editor maybe? I've been thinking along those lines lately, because I'm helping a friend who's working on a script. I've been helping her think of ideas for her story so..and I love kids.. maybe I could write children's books... hmm.. I don't know. I guess I could try. What's the worst that could happen.. if I never try, obviously I'll be stuck in the same place I'm in now. If I try, and I fail at least I've tried, right? Right!

There are still so many things I'm looking at, mulling over. I don't want to rush, I just want to find something that I'll love and enjoy and just be happy with. Because that's what's most important to me. *nods*

So...

I got to "Day 4" that was good.. right? *sigh* I'll be getting back into the roll of things come Saturday morning (so technically, today). I've been blahed out and completely drained of energy this week.. Had to go into the office on Wednesday so I didn't exercise the day before as I knew I had to sleep as much as possible as I had to not only head to the office for my shift but had a condo meeting. Which basically meant I had to get up earlier and not really sleep as much as possible. Coming back from work Thursday morning my head was all spinny so again I didn't do anything and just went to bed. Today, or rather yesterday (Friday) I was just plain lazy. -_- Still, throughout it all I managed to loose a few pounds. 192.something (my brain fails me..still 2 lbs down is good *nods*) I have been eating healthier, so maybe that's what helped. And while I did eat pizza, it wasn't a chemical induced store bought one, instead it was homemade from scratch with healthy ingredients. OK ok fiine pepperoni isn't really healthy, but it's not a pizza without it! Still, it lasted me a good 3 days.. It was ginormous! I've also been making veggie stir-fry with vermicelli noodles nom nom nom soo good! But yes, anyhoo.. I'll be heading into the office yet again come Tuesday =_= I seriously hope they finish the work on the stoopid phone lines soon, because it'd be pure bliss to not have to come in on Tuesday and also because it's EXTREMELY BORING working at the office as there's NADA to do! D8 I dread having to go it -_-

Anywhoo, leaving all that aside! Here I am stuck in one of those oober slowly paced days, where the time barely seems to change. It's almost as though the time has stopped and here I am growing old but not going anywhere. I guess it doesn't help that I'm hot and my head it pounding. I just wish my shift would be over and done with or at the very least that 5am would roll around becaue I want to take a 1hr nap! I won't be able to sleep much if any after I'm done my shift. I intend to work out for a good hour, by which time it'll probably be close to 8:30am and I need to head downtown to meet Raine. We'll be watch Harry Potter tomorrow morning as my bff Chris is graduating on Monday and I had promised to go ^^ I'm sure by the time I come back Saturday afternoon/evening I'll be a walking zombie =___= but I'm sure I'll have fun while I'm out! I think that's why I'm so looking forward to my workout in the morning. Because I know it'll give me a boost for the rest of the day. Or at least for a few hours. I'll have to sleep Saturday, that's for sure. Yet, I'm also waiting on a pattern to arrive. Crochet pattern I just ordered. I had no previous intend on ordering anything as I had started to follow a pattern I have in an amigurumi book. You'd think these patterns, being published in a book and all, would've been tested out.. but alas, such is not the case. It's a good thing I didn't pay much for the book and I'm hoping it's only the one pattern that isn't complete. I'm making an animal, and you'd assume being the size it is that it shouldn't be hard to include all the steps but nooo.. they give enough instruction to kind of make a body, but no head -_- I thought maybe I made an error, so I stopped and started again from scratch. Nothing, no head, no shape of head, nada. Pattern for ears and tail, wonderful! But unless the pictures they included were not meant to show what the finished product would be, the only thing I could do is "patch" the ears and tail to the one sausage looking body with not head >.> I'm not amused. It's fine though, thankfully I was able to find the same type of animal but a much cuter version. Delivery is by email, good thing too as Canada Post is on strike! D8 And it should arrive 24hrs after payment is received. So, hopefully by tomorrow I should get it. I'll be able to work on it Sunday morning and give it to her on Monday. I hope things work out *nods*

Alrighty, well, I'm off for now.

Laterz,

^^