first in a long while

I went on a date today, with a guy I've been talking to all week. Like constantly, it's fun talking with him and though I got really nervous for today, it went by really well. And I was feeling great when I got home. I had so much fun. and I really like him.. he's super sweet and everything.. and we were texting when we got home.. and then he's like 



"can i say something?"


so i was like "sure"


"i liked the night and you are trully sweet and Funny.... i just wanted to know (and don't be upset please) if you are sometimes more féminine like with hairstyle or make up or i Dunno.


I do like natural woman..."


me: Not really.. I'm in dire need of a haircut tho I'll admit that.
Too natural for you?


him: well i don't want u to change your ways for me


me: Mmm


him: sorry i don't want to sound rude


me: Mmm
It is what it is, I had fun and I really like you, but if I'm not what you're looking for.. I can't do anything about that. Thanks for tonight tho  


(ya ya, stupid me who stays nice and even smiles.. while i'm crying. awesome, right?)


him: i feel bad too... i had a great time too... u are sweet and nice *buggie*.... thank you 






and that's it. nothing else. 


I thought about it.. I thought, maybe I could tell him I could come to a halfway point or something, but I really thought about it and no, I don't want to wear make up all the time. and wtf can I do with my hair apart from maybe dying it and cutting it (hairstyles etc..) and he knew I was tomboyish, what tomboy wears makeup? I love me as is. and if he can't love me as is. regardless of how it hurts, I decided to go with "It is what it is, I had fun and I really like you, but if I'm not what you're looking for.. I can't do anything about that. Thanks for tonight tho "




but still. I feel shitty, oh so shitty *forces a smile*